Taking Center Stage... Re-Valuing My Value System

As I've mentioned before, I use Lysa TerKeurst's "Made to Crave Devotional" a couple of times a week, and the last section I read was eye opening (Thanks, Lysa!). Lysa briefly shared that Esau and Jacob experienced a major life change that centered around a campfire and a pot of stew. Gotta love a Bible-based food issue, right?

I went back to Genesis to read the story for myself with fresh eyes, so here's the synopsis (full story found in Genesis 25:29-34). Esau and Jacob are brothers. Esau is the oldest and entitled to the biggest and best blessing from dad. He's also the big burly guy in the fam, super hunter, etc. One day after an unsuccessful hunting trip, Esau comes home famished and happens upon brother Jacob cooking some stew. He asks for some; well, demands is a better word. Jacob, in typical little bro fashion, wants to trade up for his cooking efforts. He agrees to give Esau some stew if Esau will trade him the eldest birthright. Esau declares that he's "about to die" of starvation, and thus agrees to the trade. This trade affects the future of nations (yes, plural). Esau sold his future for a bowl of lentil stew and bread! Darn those carbs!

He traded the long-term for short-term pleasure. I realized that I can totally relate to Esau and have placed myself in the same position many times. As with any food issue, the deeper issue was the desire for instant gratification and the focus on a flesh craving. How does this happen? Why do I do that? How do I stop?

As I contemplated those questions and prayed for understanding, the Spirit reminded me that God set eternity in our hearts (Ecclesiastes 3:11). When we elevate our flesh cravings, we lose sight of the eternal craving in our hearts for God. Not only did God put it there, but it's always been there and always will be, unlike an afternoon carb craving. Our God craving is how we know we need Him.

So why is our flesh craving often louder than the eternal calling that is ever present in our hearts? Perhaps, because it is constant, we manage to sometimes drown out the eternal, like a mom who tunes out her child on a road trip when the question comes, "Are we there yet?"

We need to embrace the eternal call daily; amplify it! Give it a microphone and crank up its volume. Knowing that it is the highest calling, we should live in such a way as to magnify that craving so that we always seek Christ more.

Esau is a classic example of a microphone in the wrong hands. He chose to amplify the call of his stomach over the eternal call of God. The same is true for me. If I spend too much energy focused on a chocolate craving, I end up taking the microphone out of God's hands and giving it to my flesh, or the candy bar in my desk drawer. And along with the microphone goes the spotlight. When I put the spotlight on the temporary craving, that craving takes center stage and throws God into the background scenery.

This is a total misplacement of values! When we elevate the value of a temporary craving over the eternal design God has for our lives, we choose to be last in line for the Father's blessing, just as Esau did.

Lord, forgive me! Let me not squander that which is eternally precious for a temporary satisfaction that ultimately steals my joy! Re-value my value system! Here's the mic, Lord! Take center stage!

And flesh... you can exit stage right!

Faithfully, fluffully His,

Pity... Party of One...

Haven't posted lately because, quite honestly, I was throwing myself a pity party. No balloons, no streamers, but all the whine you can drink!

It all started when I bothered to think about how long the road ahead of me is. I started doing negative math. Have you heard of it? It's not like real math where "0 - 1 = -1". No, this is the emotionally and mentally negative math where "all of your successes + a few negative thoughts = failure mentality and giving up." Yeah, that kind of math.

Oh, how quickly the mighty fall when they lose sight of reality! I mistakenly let my focus fall on two major aspects of this journey over which I have zero control.

1. There are way too many tomorrows between my "goal" and me.

In my negative math, I started to calculate how many little goals I have to set in order to reach the big goal. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't encouraging. It wasn't right around the corner. We're talking binoculars or even a telescope needed to see the end.

2. I feel skinnier than I look.

After a wonderful family celebration this weekend, I rushed home to see the pictures. I hadn't taken a real photo of myself since starting this journey, and I was anxious and excited to see a difference and be happy with what I saw. I wasn't. In fact, looking at that photo made me sad and disappointed in myself.

The result? Pity, Part of One!

Do you know the kind of food served at a pity party? Carbs. Do you know the kind of music played at a pity party? None. You are alone with your thoughts.

So where did I go wrong? How did I end the party? How do I keep from falling into the same situation?

First, I should have looked at the situation and the journey in the "Light" and in His reality. If I had done so, my focus would have looked like this:

1. Yes, there are way too many tomorrows between my "goal" and me. But the reality is, I lived way too many yesterdays in sin and, while forgiven, I still have to deal with the consequences of that sin.

Yes, getting to my "goal" is many tomorrows away. But the reality is, I am not promised even one tomorrow. Today is what matters. What will I do today to bring Him glory.

Yes, the journey is long. But the reality is, I don't walk this journey alone.

Yes, my "goal" looks distant. But the reality is, that "goal" is nothing--absolute nothing--in light of my true goal of making myself--mind, soul, flesh--smaller so that He is bigger in my life. My size, now or in the future, plus-size or average, does not determine His glory, nor does it impact His love for me.

2. Yes, I feel skinnier than I look. But the reality is, He's still working on me.

Yes, I feel thinner than I look. But the reality is, I am thinner than I was. 36 pounds thinner!

Yes, I feel different from what I see. But the reality is I'm living life differently this time because I'm not settling for what I see. Instead, I'm focusing on seeing Him.

Next, I had to end the party. How? I said, "No," to myself.

In Matthew 16:24, Jesus says, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

Instead of the word "deny," the Complete Jewish Bible translation says, "He must say, 'No,' to himself..."

So I did. Believe it or not, we do have a choice.

How do I keep from doing this all over again, time after time? I do just what Jesus said: "...take up his cross and follow me."

Again, the Jewish translation says it more pointedly, "take up his execution stake and keep following me."

In other words, dying to myself, saying no to myself is a process. It does not end. Am I going to stop following Christ just because I mess up along the way? No, I keep following. I keep executing this flesh so that He can be my all.

I love party planning, but I think it's time I start planning to NOT throw a party. That takes a lot more work (or workouts!)... more prayer... more reliance on Jesus for strength... more focus on reality in the light of His Word, rather than the light of my dim flashlight of flesh.

The Light is on! The party is over! Make room for victory!

Faithfully, fluffuly His,

A fluffy girl walks into a gym...

I'm on my third or fourth week of making exercise a consistent part of my life. In Weight Watchers (WW) terms, that's equaled a minimum of 14 Activity Points (AP) a week. In layman terms, I basically shoot for 20 to 30 minutes of steady exercise most days. So far so good.

However, most of that activity has consisted of walking in my neighborhood with my dogs, and it is officially hot  and humid in the Houston area. Therefore, activity outside is not the same appealing option it was a few weeks ago. That means, I need to find options now as alternatives.

I haven't had a gym membership in close to five years. The last time I had one, I only got it because my BFF had one and committed to going with me as a workout buddy.

My insurance sent an email this week about a new Fitness Program for just $25 a month and access to a variety of of gyms. A good deal with gyms in their program are in my neighborhood? SCORE! I was actually excited to sign up AND excited to go workout (in air conditioning). You need only to look back at my previous posts on exercise to know I'm not exactly a fan, so being excited here is completely new to me! Praise the Lord!

I had two meetings at church after work that night, so I rushed home from work, changed into semi-decent workout attire, filled a water bottle, grabbed a sweat towel, and headed to church for my meetings. I was on track for success. It wasn't until I started walking out of the church that I started having doubts.

I started thinking that maybe it would be a good idea to just go drop the paperwork off at the gym and go back in the morning for a workout. I told myself to get in the car and drive over there, but with every block I drove, my insecurity monitor went higher and higher. Excuses started playing in my head. Fears came to the surface. By the time I pulled into the parking lot, I had made up my mind that I would only go in if the parking lot wasn't crowded. It was crowded, but not full by any means. Plus, the gym is in a shopping center, so the cars could have been for any number of businesses there. Then I decided to watch the people traffic to see if anybody looked remotely like me and not some insanely gorgeous skinny chics in tight yoga pants and sports bras or body builder guys in spandex. There were a few guys who could bench press me, but most of the people coming and going were families who had just worked out together and a lot of older white guys with large bellies who looked like they were about to have heart attacks. My kind of exercise buddies.

Still, I drove around the parking lot for a full 10 minutes trying to convince myself that I shouldn't go in. Why?! I was scared of how others would stare at me or judge me as too fat to be there or just plain laugh at me. Then it hit me... I'm a funny gal who loves to laugh. I spend most days at work making people laugh and enjoying people's good humor. If the worst thing that happens is that I make someone else laugh today by going in that gym, is it really so bad? Plus, if I go home now, I have an entire evening ahead of me with zero items on my to-do list. That means I will literally end up on the couch for the next four hours. Is it really worth skipping a workout to be who I used to be, Couch Potato Kerri? No. And to boot, that Kerri does NOT glorify God.

So you may have heard this joke before. A fluffy girl walks into a gym... And guess what... The punchline didn't change. She still just worked out and life went on.

That's right. I pulled up my big girl panties, grabbed my ipod and exercise necessities and walked into the gym. Nobody looked my way. Nobody told me that I didn't belong there. Nobody rolled their eyes when they saw me approaching the treadmills next to them. Nobody cared! I was just another person doing my thing.

That's when I realized that every fear and excuse I had told myself in the parking lot wasn't just Satan trying to defeat me; I was trying to defeat myself. My flesh. Every pound of this fluffy flesh that I've earned bite by fattening bite does not want me to succeed. So it's up to the fluffy child of God inside me to take the lead and push through.

Why?

Because I'm worth way more than that. I am worthy of fearlessness. I am able to do ALL things. And I have the scars of a Savior who overcame death itself to prove it.

I walked out of that gym a little sweatier and with my head held a lot higher. No fear. And all I could say was, "Praise you, Lord. All things really ARE possible in Christ!"

What's keeping you in the proverbial "parking lot" instead of inside doing the work, whatever that may be? If it's fear or insecurity, you deserve better. Go get it!

Faithfully, fluffully His,

Stars, Whales, and a Fluffy Girl

(The following post is also provided as this week's "Fluffy Verse" and is posted under the verse tab as well.)


"Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord from the heavens' praise him in the heights!... Praise him, sun and moon, praise him, all you shining stars... Praise the Lord from the earth, you great sea creatures and all deeps... Kings of the earth and all peoples, princes and all rulers of the earth! Young men and maidens together, old men and children! Let them praise the name of the Lord, for his name alone is exalted; his majesty is above earth and heaven..." Psalm 148 (paraphrase mine)

For the last few "verses of the week," I was tempted to use a praise verse. When I thought about which verse to pick, the first thing that came to my mind each week was to pick something from Psalms. For some weird reason, I chose instead verses that helped me work on me.

In so doing, I lost all sight of why I'm doing this. I'm not doing this to be skinny or lose weight. I'm doing this to turn my focus away from something insignificant and put my focus on the Significant One. Oh, how I failed so short of that! Forgive me, Father!

My sweet friend, Julia, emailed me a link to a YouTube video on Monday, and I didn't find the time to watch it until just this morning. Thank you, Lord, for your sweet and perfect timing! In the video, Louie Giglio explains the sounds that we've recorded of stars light years away as well as whale songs from the oceans. He speaks of them in the light of Psalm 148, which I paraphrased above for you for quick reading. I encourage you to look it up on your own and speak it aloud to the Lord!

Giglio then splices those songs together to give us a mere hint of the praise that God must hear every second from His throne. I can honestly say, I've heard the most beautiful praise song on earth this morning! I can only image how amplified it must be on the throne!

Then it hit me, there is praise from nature taking place every second, yet we cannot hear it because we, in our self-centered world, have added in so much noisy into our lives that such beauty is drowned out. And with it is drowned opportunities to join in the singing.

Well, not today, Lord! Today, I sing! Today, I want my very heartbeat to join in! You alone are God and worthy of my focus! May you be exalted in me today. May your name and renown be the desire of my heart.



...and all else fades away but my Savior and me.

(Thus, my sign-off is officially changed to...)
Faithfully, fluffully HIS,

WWMD (What Would MacGyver Do?)

If you could invite 10 people to dinner, dead, alive or imaginary, who would you choose?

I have to say, one of my guests would definitely be MacGyver. He is one of the reasons I keep bobby-pins in my purse, and car, and desk, and in random places around my house. I truly believe that, next to duct tape, a bobby-pin is one of the most valuable tools in a person's life. All because of MacGyver. He's the only man I'll ever forgive for wearing a mullet.

I didn't get home tonight in time to go for a walk and ended up on the couch for a bit. I decided to take a look online at Shape magazine to see what's new. I came across some 2-for-1 exercises that worked by using hand weight exercises/reps along with some leg work to tone arms and legs at the same time. Most of the pictures looked easy enough, so I decided to dig out my hand weights.

That led to a full 10 minutes tearing up the house looking for the long lost weights, which haven't been used in years. When I finally gave up the search, I was disappointed that I wouldn't be able to get in a low-impact workout like I had hoped. I wasn't in the mood for cardio, of which I have plenty of exercise DVDs. About to give up and settle into my old routine of TV+couch=norm, I thought to myself, "What would MacGyver do?"

Improvise.

Surely, there's something around this house that is light enough and small enough to serve as a temporary "hand weight." It's not like I need heavy weights to help me bulk up. I just need something small and light, right?

The only thing I could think of was to look in my pantry. I had two cans of broth that were just the right size. And so commenced my toning workout. Guess what... my improvised gym equipment worked just fine! My arms are tired and I worked up a nice little sweat. Mission accomplished!

So what did this little experiment prove? I proved to myself that I don't really have any excuse not to do SOMETHING. I don't have to do an elaborate workout or even put on my shoes to help meet my exercise/Activity Point goals for the week.

MacGyver would be proud.

If you're interested in the Shape magazine article, here it is:
http://www.shape.com/fitness/workouts/two-one-toning-exercises

Faithfully, fluffully yours,

Stop Believing the Lie

"This is just the way I am."

After trying so many different diet plans and seeing each one succeed in the short-term and fail in the long-term, I actually decided to believe this phrase. I even went so far as to become angry or be hurt when people wouldn't "accept me for who I am, as I am."

Guess what: I believed a lie. I chose to give my body far more credit than it deserved. Doing so not only affected my view of myself and my relationship with others, but it left a hole in my relationship with God. That hole allowed me to blame Him for creating me this way and for not rescuing me from this state of being. It must be my call in life to live this way.

Oh, what a lie I believed! God's Word tells me "to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." (Ephesians 4:22-24)

You need to know that I am by no means "thin" yet. In fact, I am far enough away from reaching a "target weight" that I haven't even done the math to bother setting that goal! I have a long way to go. I think it's safe to say that I will most likely never be known as "skinny." But because my Spirit is in a renewed, recreated, redeemed state of health in Christ Jesus, I think healthier thoughts. I encourage others more. I make healthier choices. I crave lettuce at times!

So I present to you my new truth: That is who I was. He is perfecting me to be who He redeemed me to be.

In Lysa TerKeurst's devotional book "Made to Crave," she says, "Big things are built one brick at a time. Victories are achieved one choice at a time. A life well lived is chosen one day at a time."

I do not long, as I once did, to walk through this journey and come out skinny on the other side. Instead, I choose to live this life in His grace and come out changed.

Faithfully, fluffully yours,

Applying the "Follow-Through"

When I was a kid, I used to play basketball. When I learned to shoot the ball, I was coached to make sure and "follow-through" every time. It's not just the shot itself that matters, but what you do after the ball leaves your hands also makes a difference. That's the follow-through.

I want to document a victory and share it with you in the wake of my last Good Friday post entitled, "Yet I Will." I don't want to just share lessons from God that He teaches me. I want to apply those lessons to my life and heart in order to walk away changed. That's a spiritual follow-through, so to speak. Yesterday morning (all throughout the morning), I chose to follow-through with a "Yet I Will" mindset.

Tuesdays are both my favorite Weight Watchers (WW) days and my most dreaded. I weigh in on Tuesday mornings at 11, so it's a little nerve racking some weeks. However, my "week" of points actually starts on Tuesdays. That means I've survived another week and get a new set of points to look forward to all week.

This Tuesday was one of those nervous kind of days... all because of my weekend fun. You've been there, right? It's your best friend's birthday, and no one should eat an Ultimate Chocolate Cupcake by themselves! Not to mention it's crawfish season here in South Texas. (BTW, any time you choose to eat something "by the pound," there will probably be ramifications.) Hence, my nervous Tuesday.

I had fun this weekend. The crawfish were wonderful, and the cupcake was... Well, words can't really describe those beautiful bites. BUT I did make sure to swim around in the pool a little after we ate, so maybe that helped. I wouldn't know for sure until weigh-in.

As I spent time in prayer yesterday morning, I knew weigh-in was coming and that, most likely, it wouldn't be pretty. That's when I remembered that I can choose now how to respond. So I prayed, not for the scale to read what I wanted, but for strength to praise God even if the scale showed a gain. I told God that I would love to see a loss on that scale, but nevertheless, I was thankful for how far I had come already. I chose to turn my attitude from dread to thanksgiving and praise.

• Thank you, Lord, for giving me a best friend whose birthday I could celebrate!
• Praise God! I feel so much better these days!
• Thank you, Lord, that today is the start of a new WW week! And week 16 at that!
• Praise God! I lost over 30 lbs. in 15 weeks!
• Thank you, Lord, that the scale or the numbers on it aren't my source of victory!
• Praise God! I was able to put on a smaller size in shorts this weekend!
• Thank you, Lord, that I've been able to stop taking two medications since starting this program!
• Praise God! I have a friend and coworker who is going through the program with me!

What a difference it made to get rid of those "but statements" I told you about in my last post. I still had moments prior to weigh-in that had me nervous, but I chose those moments to go to God with a praise and a "yet I will" statement.

Baylor Bears Basketball Player Brittney Griner
(AP/Houston Chronicle photo by Michael Paulsen at komonews.com)

The results of weigh-in: I gained, but my attitude about it was positive. Not only that, but after all the fun I had this past weekend, I only gained about half a pound! 

God is so good, and this journey He's taking me on is good. I encourage you to not just hear a lesson from God, but follow-through and apply His lessons to your life. That's when permanent change takes root!

Faithfully, fluffully yours,

"Yet I Will"

I can barely type the words to share with you the beautiful revelation my Sweet Savior has blessed me with this Good Friday.

I’m studying Jonah using a study by Priscilla Shirer called, “Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted.” My lesson today was on repentance. The best way I know to share with you what God has taught me this morning is to take you on the same journey and show you the progression of His insights to me. This is a long blog, but I pray you’ll find it worth your time.

Start with the definition of repentance. Priscilla says that, “Repentance has two aspects:

1. Confession means agreeing with God about any sin or rebellion in our lives and asking Him to rid us of that for which we have no more use.
2. Change calls for changing our mind, attitude, and actions.”

I read on to find another nugget of truth that gave me pause as Priscilla turned my attention to Jonah’s story.
“…whether or not Jonah knew God was never the concern. Clearly he was well acquainted with God. He could discern the leading of God. Yet Jonah had a problem agreeing with God and changing his mind, attitude, and actions to comply with God. His heart was out of alignment with the heart of God.”

The question came to me after re-reading this paragraph several times: What does agreeing with God sound like? How do I agree with God in practice, even when I don’t like what He’s doing? There are some times that I just plain don’t like with how He’s handling a situation. What then?

I began to replay some of those instances and my prayers that accompanied them in my head. They sounded something like this…

“Lord, I know you want what is best for me, but could you…”
“Lord, your will be done, but if it’s okay could we…”
“Lord, I hear what you’re saying and want to change, but…”
“Lord, bless that person in this circumstance, but show them they’re wrong about…”

I realized that my version of agreeing with God wasn’t agreeing at all. My version was full of what I’m now calling “but statements.” In order to agree with God, I have to stop ending my prayers with the “but statements.” If I end a sentence with an exclamation point instead of a period, I completely change my whole conversation. The same is true in my use of “but statements.”

Then it hit me: Jesus didn’t use a “but statement” to end His prayers at the hardest point in His ministry. When He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, He lived out what it means to agree with God.

1. His prayer, mind, and attitude were pleading yet submitted.

Luke 22:41-42 says, “And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, ‘Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done.’”
Mark 14:35-36 shows the same event. Verse 36 says, “And he said. ‘Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.’”

Christ, even in the depths of despair, didn’t say, “Your will be done, Father, but please don’t do it.” Instead, He presented He sorrowful, gut-wrenching plea to the Father, and ended with, “but your will.” Oh, how that changes everything!

2. His actions conveyed His agreement.

Not only did He say, “but your will,” He then followed through with God’s will… all the way to the Cross. He followed through, even though it cost Him His very life. The words Jesus prayed were beautiful, but they are but a glimpse into His submitted heart. The truest and clearest picture of His heart was displayed for the world to see in Jesus’ life poured out for us.

After I gathered myself up from all that, I went back to Jonah to finish my actual study guide lesson. Priscilla had me read portions of Jonah 2 (v. 2, 4, 7, 9) and underline phrases of Jonah’s prayer in the belly of the fish that showed he was having a change of heart. Guess what I underlined…

“I cried out to the Lord,”
“I called to you,”
“Yet I will,”
“But I will,”
“I will,”

Jonah gained a repentant heart when he chose submission. Choosing submission meant agreeing with God. Agreeing with God meant changing his former “but statements” to “I will” statements, followed by action in obedience.

I didn’t know I could see a picture of Christ in the story of Jonah, but oh, how I’m drawing connections now! I started out studying Jonah and repentance and made it all the way to the Cross and submission.

I didn’t bring my cup of coffee to my Bible study time this morning expecting to get a Good Friday lesson, but I’m humbled by His love that my Sweet Savior would give me one anyway. Thank you, Lord, for being my Teacher today! Thank you for drawing me back to the cross to celebrate and remember all you did that day so long ago and how it changes everything for me today.

Friends, I know this is a blog primarily about my weight loss journey, but part of that journey is repentance, submission, and a call to action. Draw your own connections in your heart. God is drawing them in mine.

I pray you have a truly Good Friday today.

Faithfully, fluffully, yours… NOT TO MENTION REDEEMED!