Pity... Party of One...

Haven't posted lately because, quite honestly, I was throwing myself a pity party. No balloons, no streamers, but all the whine you can drink!

It all started when I bothered to think about how long the road ahead of me is. I started doing negative math. Have you heard of it? It's not like real math where "0 - 1 = -1". No, this is the emotionally and mentally negative math where "all of your successes + a few negative thoughts = failure mentality and giving up." Yeah, that kind of math.

Oh, how quickly the mighty fall when they lose sight of reality! I mistakenly let my focus fall on two major aspects of this journey over which I have zero control.

1. There are way too many tomorrows between my "goal" and me.

In my negative math, I started to calculate how many little goals I have to set in order to reach the big goal. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't encouraging. It wasn't right around the corner. We're talking binoculars or even a telescope needed to see the end.

2. I feel skinnier than I look.

After a wonderful family celebration this weekend, I rushed home to see the pictures. I hadn't taken a real photo of myself since starting this journey, and I was anxious and excited to see a difference and be happy with what I saw. I wasn't. In fact, looking at that photo made me sad and disappointed in myself.

The result? Pity, Part of One!

Do you know the kind of food served at a pity party? Carbs. Do you know the kind of music played at a pity party? None. You are alone with your thoughts.

So where did I go wrong? How did I end the party? How do I keep from falling into the same situation?

First, I should have looked at the situation and the journey in the "Light" and in His reality. If I had done so, my focus would have looked like this:

1. Yes, there are way too many tomorrows between my "goal" and me. But the reality is, I lived way too many yesterdays in sin and, while forgiven, I still have to deal with the consequences of that sin.

Yes, getting to my "goal" is many tomorrows away. But the reality is, I am not promised even one tomorrow. Today is what matters. What will I do today to bring Him glory.

Yes, the journey is long. But the reality is, I don't walk this journey alone.

Yes, my "goal" looks distant. But the reality is, that "goal" is nothing--absolute nothing--in light of my true goal of making myself--mind, soul, flesh--smaller so that He is bigger in my life. My size, now or in the future, plus-size or average, does not determine His glory, nor does it impact His love for me.

2. Yes, I feel skinnier than I look. But the reality is, He's still working on me.

Yes, I feel thinner than I look. But the reality is, I am thinner than I was. 36 pounds thinner!

Yes, I feel different from what I see. But the reality is I'm living life differently this time because I'm not settling for what I see. Instead, I'm focusing on seeing Him.

Next, I had to end the party. How? I said, "No," to myself.

In Matthew 16:24, Jesus says, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

Instead of the word "deny," the Complete Jewish Bible translation says, "He must say, 'No,' to himself..."

So I did. Believe it or not, we do have a choice.

How do I keep from doing this all over again, time after time? I do just what Jesus said: "...take up his cross and follow me."

Again, the Jewish translation says it more pointedly, "take up his execution stake and keep following me."

In other words, dying to myself, saying no to myself is a process. It does not end. Am I going to stop following Christ just because I mess up along the way? No, I keep following. I keep executing this flesh so that He can be my all.

I love party planning, but I think it's time I start planning to NOT throw a party. That takes a lot more work (or workouts!)... more prayer... more reliance on Jesus for strength... more focus on reality in the light of His Word, rather than the light of my dim flashlight of flesh.

The Light is on! The party is over! Make room for victory!

Faithfully, fluffuly His,